Oh, what a ride!

After a long respite from going “up to the lake” to engage in that variety of water sports that requires a boat and a tow rope, I found myself doing just that today. The sky was clear, the sun was merciless, and getting wet didn’t seem like such an improbability after all, at least not for everyone else.

Those tube toys which resemble tire inner tubes, and which are pulled behind a ski boat were probably invented so that more people could have more fun. You don’t have to be able to balance on a slalom ski, or two skis, or get up on the wake board to be able to ride behind a boat on something. You just have to be able to get on and hang on.

All kinds of people are able to enjoy the sensation of air travel, even if they have no physical prowess whatsoever.

However, I think that when the tube gets loaded up and pulled along, the people who have the most fun are the observers who get to watch the riders from inside the boat. The tubes that are made for two riders seem to offer the most entertainment.

I watched two skinny twelve- or thirteen-year old boys get the ride of their lives today. I, in turn, had a laugh worth driving all the way up to the lake for. Two skinny boys don’t weigh the tube down much so it sits up high in the water. They sit a little higher yet, even though they try to spread out like syrup on a pancake.

The driver of the boat eases them into the ride gradually building up speed, and just when the “tubers” think they have mastered the sport and can let go of the handles and stand up or something, the skipper rises to the challenge and begins to take them down a notch or two.

Incidentally, he considers it his responsibility to thoroughly dunk the boys, so he executes a few high-speed loop-the-loops and S-curves embellished by sudden variations in speed in order to give them a good ride before he does. Pretty soon the boys are bouncing around like popping corn, with arms and legs flailing and projecting out of the pile in all directions.

They start out side by side, but soon aligning themselves properly becomes impossible. Boy 1 bounces on top of Boy 2 who is flailing a free arm behind his head trying to clear him off. In a second, Boy 2 is on top of Boy 1 who is trying to extricate himself from a wicked Half Nelson while struggling to keep his legs on the mat and hang onto the grips.

Then the boat’s “slingshot” maneuver has them both clinging to the uphill side of the tube with their legs fishtailing out behind them. A sudden change in speed and direction leaves it terribly off-centered, and its empty side bobs up out of the water.

The tubers execute a disjointed uphill crabwalk as soon as they feel the boat turn the other way, but not in time to stabilize the tube, which rises out of the water and flips over. Boy 1 is launched over the top of Boy 2 who is ejected at a lower altitude and is slowed by rhythmic skipping over the water like a flat rock, getting introduced to the phenomenon of surface tension outside of science class.

It was a good ride, with the boys trading places on the tube a total of three times.

Just as comical is watching the tube loaded up with a much bigger rider on one side and a light-weight on the other. (It’s kind of like me sleeping in bed with Mr. B.) The lighter rider has all kinds of trouble keeping to his side of the tube. It is largely irrelevant though because soon the tube will be tipped over anyway.

What a tough bunch of kids! Might as well put them through the wringer. All of those dunked doughnuts remind me of why I wasn’t sure about getting in the water in the first place.