The cost of turning out the lights

Mr. Butterbean is the light-switch Nazi.

What I am saying is that when it comes to the light switches in our house, he is waging a battle against “on” and is determined that light switches should be flipped to the “off” position; and he has an assortment of weapons in his arsenal to enforce “off.”

At nighttime we live in a world of semi-darkness because at some time during his journey to moral maturity, Mr. B.’s compass got pointed in that direction. In plain language (which I should use more often) leaving on more lights than we need to wastes electricity which in turn costs money. How much? I am about to find out…

Okay, this is the deal: according to someone named “billruss” on the ask.yahoo website, “your 75 watt bulb, if it burns for an hour, will use 75 watt-hours of electricity. Typical cost for electricity (check your bill) is 10¢ (around here it’s a little less) per kW-hr or per 1000 watt-hours. So in one hour your bulb uses 75/1000 x 10¢ or 0.75¢.”

According to Bill’s formula and my calculations, I can burn that light bulb for the whole evening which therefore costs about three cents a day, providing I turn it off when I go to bed or leave the house. I can burn it all year for about $10.00. That is less than Mr. B. has tosses into his quart-sized penny jar in a month. That is less than I find in the washer in a couple of months.

Beyond all that, I understand that the cost for using the new-and-improved, energy-efficient kryptonite light bulbs is even less, provided you can scrape together the necessary down payment to buy some. That kind of money can’t be found in the washer or under the couch cushions.

Yes, I am all for saving money. The more I save on light, the more I can spend on other higher-energy-usage electronic devices. So I can probably buy a new computer with the money I save turning off lights in about twenty years.

My problem with semi-darkness is this: I see at about 75% efficiency during daylight hours. When the lights are low, it drops to somewhere around .75%. Things like stairs, tables, closet doors, stools, and chair legs begin to blend into other things like walls, and floors. I suppose that the same thing happens to the rest of you when the amount of light decreases to a certain threshold, whatever wattage that may be your household.

Now then, compare the penny-per-hour cost of electricity to the cost of band-aids and first-aid cream per incidence of stubbed toes, $12.75, or to the cost of ibuprofen for bruised shins and elbows per year, $27.95. Then factor in the cost of stitches to the forehead, one time only, $480 (plus more bandages and ibuprofen), which cost applies only if your laceration is not referred to a plastic surgeon, when it may cost three month’s wages plus whatever dollar amount you want to put on pain and suffering.

As you can see, even figuring conservatively which means excluding the possibility that I might fall down the stairs, turning off the lights may not be cost effective. Apparently the Light Nazi and Blind Bertha are just not a good combination.
Should the current administration of the federal government need a light czar to work under the energy cazr to promote walking around in the dark, and I predict that they will, I know just the man for the job. And he has no ties to the Chicago mob, pays his taxes, and loves apple pie.

Mr. B. can think of hundreds of ways to get you to turn off the lights. Most of them involve the application of that great motivational tool—guilt. The rest of them are “turn out the light,” which is uttered as soon as you stand up from your chair or start for the exit of a particular room. That you are coming back in thirty seconds doesn’t count.

Should we ever have a light czar, no matter who it is, I may have to show up at a light-tea party. I already know what my handmade placard will read: “SAVE OUR SHINS!"