Phone number

I can’t tell you how handicapped I have been this week. The problem is that I jammed my finger while playing my sport. Not the Wii or the internet game, or watching a sport on television, but an actual physical exercise sport with a real ball with real air in it that I play with sometimes.

It, the ball, felt real when it bounced off the end of the large finger of my right hand. I have a real bruise, a real ache and a real splint. Too bad it wasn’t a virtual sprain—“you have been sidelined with an injury. Try again.”
Unfortunately it is all of my virtual (electronic) devices that I am unable to use very well with an injury to my finger. Like any of those keyboard, button or touch devices that require the use of the fingertips to operate them.

I am not at the moment dictating this article to someone. There isn’t anyone. Mr. B. can’t type with or without a keyboard and/or fingertips. He can text a little better than I can, though, since he is all thumbs. When typing, however, he is all index fingers.

Yes, I know I have nine other fingers, but the ones on my left hand are practically useless. Their main purpose it to help the other hand perform actions such as holding a sandwich, putting on a sock, or contributing to body balance—activities which don’t require a high degree of dexterity and so can be performed by a set of digits that are only loosely connected to a brain.

So that leaves me four other useful fingers, and one of those is a thumb. Not a whole lot left to work with.

For want of a finger, these are some of the activities that have been considerably curtailed during the past few days.

1.Shopping. The internet has more stores than Vernal has, however you need a keyboard or a smart phone to access them, both of which require a set of fingers to help run it . I could accidentally buy twelve of something with a right hand like this.

2.Sleeping. My number-one sleep aid is my Ipod. By the time I try to navigate to the right tune or chapter from a prone position and with earbuds cords wrapped around my neck, I have rejammed the finger and am fully awake.

3.Working. Like a lot of you, I work at the computer where I get paid for performing tasks that require me to interface with that computer via something besides my just my index fingers.

4.Communicating. I have a hard time dialing the right phone number with a set of fully functioning fingers and thumbs.

5.Thinking. I have been accused of having a brain that resides in other body parts than my head. I suppose that may be true, but until this week I thought those other parts were not my finger. I have had to reevaluate that assumptions however since my injury induced a condition of being unable to think at all. ll.

6.Procuring food and water and eating and drinking it are more difficult.

7.Driving.

By now, you have either determined that I am a whiner of monumental proportions, or that I am truly handicapped by just one more little disadvantage I promise, it doesn’t take much.

At this point, my son’s new Droid phone is looking pretty useful. I watched him speak the name of a restaurant chain into it and up came a list of choices. You may call this store, find the nearest location…

I am sorry, Yellow Pages, but we are on the verge of not even having to have our fingers do the walking.