I can't park here?

You will probably never believe that I am old enough to have a grandson in college. Okay, maybe you can. But the thing is he doesn't drive, so his parents have to take him to and from his classes. That is usually okay. It isn't far away, and he can arrange his schedule with classes one after the other so that driving isn't usually a hardship.

At least that is the case when his parents are dropping him off. They just drive up to the area in question and let him out the door. Picking him up is a different story, however, because they might have to park and wait for him to emerge from whichever building he is in.

This is a long-established university which means that when it was built years ago, there was no need for multiple parking spaces. I don't know whether there were any cars back then. Students probably lived on campus and could walk to all their classes.

That is no longer the case. You probably have heard more than one campus-parking horror story. Their main theme of them is that there isn't any—campus parking that is.

So the other night, my grandson was driven up to the campus by a friend, and his parents didn't know exactly where to meet him to pick him up. To make matters worse, the power was out and dad's cell phone was down.

Consequently, both dad and mom were at the college in separate cars trying to find and pick up their student without out the aid of phones or street lighting. It was the week before finals and the engineering building was full of students completing semester projects. Every one of those students had brought a car on campus, and every parking space was full. Unbeknownst to each other, both parents are circling the building trying to find a place to park so they can retrieve their son.

While my son-in-law was still circling in the Pontiac, in desperation my daughter drove her SUV onto the sidewalk. You have heard of speed traps? This was a parking trap. When there are absolutely no places to park, the parking patrol comes out. So the minute she stopped her car, a campus policeman drove up behind her and parked his vehicle in a red zone.

He got out of his patrol car and approached my daughter.

“Do you know that you are parked on the sidewalk?”

Do you know how many different and equally damaging replies there could be to that question?

Do you know how tempting it would be to utter one of them? My daughter is a comic and she had to pinch her lips to keep from giving voice to one of these:
“Oh, was that the curb I just ran over?”
“Well, I did notice that I wasn't in line with the other cars, but it is kind of dark out here.”

“Do you know you are parked in a red zone?”

After it was established that she knew she was parked on the sidewalk, the officer had another question for her.

“Why are you parked on the sidewalk?

Again, do you know how tempting it would be to give a smart-aleck answer such as:

“Do you really want me to answer that question?”

“I couldn't help it, my car is one of those that parallel parks itself and it insisted on this spot.”

“ I didn't have a quarter for the parking meter—oh wait, there aren't any parking meters without cars next to them within three blocks.”

Meanwhile her husband, on his next drive-by, noticed that she had been pulled over, so to speak. He quickly parked in a handicapped space and came running over to rescue his wife. When he asked what the problem was, he was greeted with, “Do you know that you are parked in a handicapped zone?” Presumably the officer noticed that my son-in-law was pretty fast on his feet and didn't seem to be handicapped, at least physically.

He answered the officer's question in a direct and respectful manner. “Yes, I do. I was just checking on my wife.”

“You need to move that car immediately, or I will give both of you a ticket.”
Reasoning that one ticket was better than two, he ran back to his car and drove away before the officer had time to open his citation book.

My daughter did try to explain her situation, but she doubted whether the policeman believed any of it. After all, she is pretty sure that she doesn't look old enough to have a son in college.