Watching kids' soccer is winning

In the spring a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of soccer. The balls come out of the closet and the kids, boys and girls, start to kick them around; they bring home the notes for soccer sign-up and before you know it, the soccer moms and their families are huddled up in the cold and wind watching kids in shorts running around trying to keep warm. Of course the parents are only able to sit and shiver helplessly.

That is just part of the fun of soccer. When weather isn't a deterrent, it can be quite entertaining. I will hereby recount a few of the more amusing incidents I have seen and heard of lately.

The story of this last week was about the game where one of the 8-year-old teams was short a few players and the other team had more than they needed when it came time to play. So the coaches put their heads together and evened things out by sending a couple of the players from the red team onto the blue team so everyone could have fun. The blue team must have been missing their goalie that morning because they put a transplant player into the goal.

It took three kicks on goal before anyone realized that the goalie didn't make a move when there was a goal kick. And it took a few more plays before anyone older than ten realized why. Sometimes the kids are smarter than the adults who just might be a few sides short of a pentagram, that is on any given day.

The week before that my grandson had the dubious honor of playing goalie in his game. He took one for the team when he fearlessly blocked a short goal kick with his face. Well, actually he didn't have time to get out of the way. His injuries included a looser tooth, a bloody nose, and a puffy face.

It turned out to be all for the good though since the loose tooth was one that had been hanging in that mouth too long anyway. Later that evening our movie, Sherlock Holmes, was interrupted in the middle of the “London Bridge” scene in order for us to hear a dramatic announcement.

The kid comes running into the room yelling excitedly, “pause the movie, pause the movie.”

“No, it's almost over.”

“But this is important.” He is now jumping up and down and waving his arms more energetically than he ever did in the soccer goal. We paused the movie.
“What is it?”

“I pulled my tooth.” The benefits of soccer.
Then there is the story of the goalie who caught a goal kick and duly trotted out to the front of the goal box. She faced the field and quickly dropkicked the ball. It was a pretty good kick if you discount the direction it took. It arched neatly up and over her head and rolled straight into her own goal behind her.
Finally, my daughter told me about a game which was refereed by young teenagers, two boys and a girl. One of the player's fathers thought he could make a difference in the score of the game, which wasn't scored anyway, by bleep-bleeping the referees and the other team's players.

The obnoxious father had been warned to clean up his language and be quiet, but he continued to blaspheme the name of referees everywhere. Finally the girl walked over to the mouthy dad and told him he had to leave. He refused and got a little louder. The two boy referees decided she might need a little help and came along to back her up.

“If you do not leave, I will call this game.”

“Yeah. What she said,” piped up the boys.

The father left. He didn't just walk away however. He ambled from his position in one corner of the field, across it to the opposite corner, before he was finally gone. The game continued peacefully for about two minutes until Soccer Man returned with his mother, who must have been the one who taught him to talk, and his wife. Three against three. So the ruckus escalated.

Miss Referee had put up with enough. She strode over to the three and told them she was going to call the game. The grandmother in turn called her a name, which is not fit to print, and said that furthermore she couldn't talk to her like that.
So, game over. The two teams cheered each other, and everyone went home; and that is where some people should stay.