Waiting for spring—oh well

You may have noticed that Bertha has shown remarkable restraint this “spring” by avoiding all mention of the weather. Weather is usually a safe subject anyway, at least conversationally, but I am not sure that anyone can talk or write about the weather this spring without getting a little hot under the collar, which is a good thing for the neck.

Well, I stood it as long as I could. Last weekend made me give it up. I am now ready to launch an attack upon the weather, which is sure to do some good.

Yes, I know we need “the moisture.” It isn't the moisture that I mind. Moisture is just water. It's when it presents itself in the form of snow, ice or hail that I get cross. And actually I don't have a problem with snow or ice either if it shows up during winter—you know, that three-month period between the middle of November and the middle of February.

One of the myths that is taught and perpetuated in schools and elsewhere is that there are four seasons of equal length I and that they march rhythmically on through the year without missing a beat. There are graphics around, on calendars and on the web and such, that romanticize each of the four seasons. Snowflakes for winter, colored leaves for fall, beach umbrellas for summer and flowers for spring, as if one for each season could organize things.

But we are getting swindled. We now see green grass and tulips, but they have snow on them. I don't have to tell you that snow is associated with freezing temperatures. Again, that would be okay in “winter” when people actually have their winter clothes and boots in the front of their closets and they prepare for bouts of cold weather. It just isn't any fun at soccer games, campouts and family reunions.

Up until now, I have been able to deal with the cold and over-extended winter weather because I sm an “oh, well,” kind of person. As in “oh well, at least I am not getting sunburned today.” I have been hard-pressed to find enough “oh wells” to improve my attitude this time. In case you want to know what I have been telling myself, and in hopes that it might help someone else cope with wind and cold, I have herewith written the Bertha Butterbean Oh-Well List for Long Winters. Oh well…

1.I look better in winter clothes.

2.The bugs are all gone somewhere else. So are the snakes and lizards.

3. No one has to wonder whether the lawnmower will start.

4. Basketball supplants baseball.

5. Turning on the air conditioner is out of the question.

6. Politicians give the global warming issue a rest.

7.I feel good about owning an SUV.

8.I can make soup for dinner every night.

9.Spring is sure to come sometime.

I thought I could come up with a traditional list of ten “oh wells.” I'm sorry, but I just couldn't finish it. To tell the truth, I was reaching for the last two or three.

You may also have noticed that until number 6. above, I refrained from making any sort of reference to global warming. Personally I was sad to see its demise and am looking forward to its retuurn, provided that can happen without it becoming a political controversy.

I have my own definition of climate change. The seasons have shifted around to later in the calendar year. Winter starts later and ends later than it used to. Someday we may have to use little snowflake graphics to denote spring. Oh well…
Totally not by the way, I read this joke online the other day:

First cave man to second cave man: "I don't care what you say. We never had such unusual weather before they started using bows and arrows."

I don't know how long this joke has been around, but to me it sounds like commentary on the climate-change issue.