Deer hunter grammar

I have recently had the good fortune of hosting a group of hunters in my home. They have been here for a few days and they are still hunting. They like to stay at my house because I don't charge them to stay there, and because when they do they are already twenty minutes closer to the deer and elk playgrounds.

Hunters hunt in the day and at night they sit around the table and tell hunting stories. They swap tips about hunting websites and television shows, and they talk about guns, ammo, camo, taxidermists, and jerky.

I am usually absent when the hunters start telling stories, so in the interest of finding a little more ammunition for an article about hunting, I visited a couple of those websites myself. The blogs are the best because hunters post stories and in their own words and using their own hunting jargon.

I hate to stereotype anyone, but to put it nicely, the blogs I visited led me to believe that a smattering of contemporary hunters were dreaming of six-point elk when they should have been paying attention in English class. The following paragraphs were cut and pasted from a few representative sources:

“Humorous Stories, antedotes, and jokes about our favorite sport

“I slowly turned, raised my 30.06 and fired…..CLICK! My rifle misfired, so i quickly rechambered my bolt action, raised my rifle and ClICK!…Another misfire. This happened 2 more times, before I had to completely reload my rifle. Surprising, the Deer didn’t even noticed me. It continued to slowly walk, it’s nose to the earth, completely oblivious to my frantic attempts to get my damn gun to fire…

“DeerBeards.com spokesman Chet Norris said the video games were expected to be released last Wednesday, but he game no details regarding the delays. The games, including Big Bucks Revenge 2, were handed over for release at 10.51 p.m. last evening, said Norris.

“I shot my first Deer in November of 2004. We were hunting private land in Pine County, MN and it was freezing outside. Swede and I were stand hunting and after sitting for about 2 hours in 12 degree weather, I was frozen. I hadn’t seen nor heard a thing except for the farmers donkey, when i heard that ” Snap”. I looked behind me and there was a nice 9pt just walking along, smelling the rut, without a care in the world.

And finally, “One day Gaston and Bubba were Deer Hunting, and they got lost. Gaston tells Bubba "wait, don't panic I learned what to do in case this happens. Your supposed to shoot up into the air three times and someone will here you and come with help,"

“Okay" said Bubba. So he shoots three times into the air. They both wait an hour and no one shows up. So they shoot three times again and still no one shows up. Bewildered they try this again and again for the next couple of hours. Gaston starts to look a little worried, then he shouts "It better work this time, were down to our last three arrows!"

I know a few hunting widows who would like to know some hunting antedotes themselves.
Actually I have one. When I sat down at the computer to write my article, I noticed that someone had typed “How to hunt elk” into the search line of my internet home page.