Bertha's original redneck jokes

How many redneck jokes are there? As many as flies on roadkill? Somehow or other, they have multiplied like country rabbits until you hear at least one every day. You will also hear a reference to the “redneck” term in speech or read it somewhere at least that often.

All of which is the same as saying that the whole theme is overdone, timeworn, stale. And yet people keep coning up with a different photo, a new joke or another reference.

Okay, I live in the country and have produced my share of roadkill, but I let it lie. Years back I lived in a trailer but couldn't wait to upgrade to something with a cement foundation. And I have heard plenty of redneck jokes, and I don't usually repeat them.

But somehow or other I ran into a couple of stories last week that I wanted to add to the lexicon. These aren't the kind of stories that someone shared with me and I am passing along. We lived these stories. They are original. Feel free to share them, pass them along or post them if you wish, however.

The other day my son announced to the family, “So, I went to see my taxidermist yesterday.” Some of you might not find that funny, but I started laughing out loud as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

You will notice that he didn't say he went to see his tax accountant yesterday. Nor did he visit his dermatologist.

Who has a taxidermist? Does one schedule appointments with him at six-month or six-week intervals? After quizzing my son, I am finding that having your own taxidermist meas more than just having his number on speed dial. It means that one doesn't need to call ahead because one doesn't need an appointment to see him.

So I guess the actual joke goes like this:

“You might be a redneck if…you have your own taxidermist.”

By the way, while we are speaking of taxidermists, here is my very own taxidermist joke:

“What is the definition of a taxidermist? Someone who can help you have your elk and eat it too.”
The second story needs a little background as well. I had occasion (besides wanting to sleep while riding in the car) to need one of those little pillows that are roughly U-shaped and are used to support the head and neck. One of my daughters has one that I intended to borrow, but she had sublet it previously to someone and forgotten who that was. While trying to locate the pillow she texted a friend:

“Have you seen my red neck pillow?”

“Her friend texted back, “What is a red neck pillow? A slice of hay?”

Okay, I just shared a couple of redneck jokes. That may make me a fringe redneck, and I just don't know it. Having a son who has a taxidermist may make me one by relationship. I don't claim to be any closer than fringe though, because I have learned to differentiate between terms like “red neck” and “redneck.” as well as “pickup and “pick up.”